it's ok, i'm fine

I can't bear to think about this week. It's going to be a stressful week I know. The longer I go on, the more depressive I get. I am trapped in this body and crying out for help but somehow the voices don't get heard. Help me! Help me!! Help meeeeeeeeee!!! Right on cue, Elton John's, Bennie And The Jets plays in the background and I am suddenly thinking about barbiturates. The weekend was greatly needed because I promise to try and give myself a 100% relaxing time without thinking about work. Although it wasn't 100% but it did come close, sort of - 91%. I can honestly count the amount of times I am completely 100% relax with one finger so, it was a great achievement nonetheless.

God, am I that depressive? Am I that miserable? How and when did I become like this? Some days I can't even think, let alone move, how the hell did I get here?! This is just fucked-up! A ginormous one. I'm not a pessimist, I'm not lacking in energy, I'm not thinking of doing a 'McQueen' but sometimes, I feel that everything is superficial and most things are not worth living for. I'm just living for living sake. This is just destructive. People get good at protecting themselves and in the process; they forget who they really are. I know this too well.

In this haze of destruction, there are several external forces that keep me grounded. Some more than others but the effect are still felt. Whether or not these forces have longevity, I have no clue but I do honestly hope it does.

Maybe, this downward spiral is just a temporary thingy and it will pass over. I hope so, for my sake.