so, how long have you guys been together?

Ok. I realised that I've posted too many Architectural seriousness this week. So some distractions would be in order. Apart from the usual work and the odd job around the house like painting and gardening, I've been a very good boy, what's happening to me?! It feels like the calm before the storm.

Recently, while having a Rob Roy in Donovan Bar at Browns Hotel, I overheard a conversation by a couple sitting next to me at the bar about their state of friendship. I knew I should have given them their privacy during their serious conversation but it was too good a topic for me to miss. Seriously Guido, what are you doing?!?! Sneaking a peek in the mirror reflection at the back of the bar, they look like a good looking modern couple; young, professional, fashion forward and happy. As my bar tab grew, the conversation got even more serious and I was happy sitting there listening quietly and discreetly.

I mean, relationships are very different now than what I used to remember. John & Jane (generic names, of course) are trying to figure out where they are at. Are they friends, good friends, friends with benefits, dating, going steady, seeing each other, going out, hanging-out or coupled up? If you ask me, it sounds like a minefield of terms that might confuse even for the most experienced. From what I could gather, they have been friends for a while but recently been spending a lot of time together. To add further spice, one of them has expressed their feeling for the other hence the reason for this whole talk.

Why is it so difficult? Isn't it just the level of commitment they are willing to accept? Dating is the period where two people first really get to know each other and will tentatively discover whether they are compatible in personalities, attitudes, sexually, etc. before making any kind of real commitment. If everything works out, they both will effectively become a couple. Done! That was simple wasn't it? Obviously, certain rights or duties are expected; such as monogamy, time together, observing special occasions (birthdays, anniversaries, Christmas, etc.) and of course sex. In Western society between adults, sex becomes an expected mutually expressed behaviour. None of these are expected of two people dating although it would be a bonus if it did. I never say no to sex. Never!! No one ever should either.

If you introduce someone as your steady, serious other, partner, girl/boyfriend (ewwww!! sounds so weird), then you’re going out and no longer simply dating. Strictly speaking if you’re dating someone you have no right or claim to exclusivity and vice-versa. Having said that, the longer you date and the closer you are at getting to going out and the less acceptable it would be to date others. Damn it!!

By the end of the night, both John & Jane finally agreed that they are not friends with benefits, not just seeing each other, not just hanging out, a bit further than dating, closer to going out and definitely good friends. That must have been a tiring conversation for both of them and my bar tab was a shocker. I wonder whether I can claim some money off the newly defined John & Jane.